Last night, in a bold change from their usual fare, the Lexington Children’s Theatre premiered their stage adaptation of Quentin Tarantino’s Reservoir Dogs.
It was sooooo adorable.
Timmy Bledsoe, age 8, may have stammered a bit through Mr. Brown’s Big Dick Madonna Monologue, but he conquered his speech impediment once his mother rushed onstage and squeezed his arm fat for embarrassing her.
Few moments in recent children’s theater history have been as undeniably cool as the sight of seven little boys and one little girl pretending to be a fat old man walking in fake slow motion across to the stage to the George Baker Selection’s “Little Green Bag”.
Unfortunately, during the slow walk, Carter Parker, age 10, who portrayed Mr. White with a remarkably measured intensity, accidentally swallowed his toothpick. The show went on once a doctor in the house examined Carter backstage and said he just might be able to pass it.
Emir Seddigh, age 8, who last season debuted as the mildest bad kid in The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, was here much less threatening as Mr. Orange. However, he really sold his gutshot. He is method trained. Emir ate 3 days old McDonald’s hotcakes to get into character.
Mr. Pink, played by Will Washington, age 10, dripped with all the nervous energy of a candle held above the chest of a theater reviewer by an escort. He even looked a bit like Steve Buscemi (thyroid issues). However, he did have some trouble remembering his more racist lines.
Jason Mangola, age 11, was the true breakout star of the night. Every mother, father, aunt, uncle, sister, brother, cousin, nanny, and substitute choir teacher felt a rush when his Mr. Blonde butted tough guy heads with Mr. White. And most of us gasped when he threateningly picked his nose.
Across the board, the special effects were quite remarkable. Billy Hemsdale, age 6, otherwise miscast as the tortured cop, was badly burned in an apartment fire two years ago so it looked pretty convincing when they cut that Play-Doh ear off the side of his head.
I won’t spoil the plot twist to a twenty-five-year-old movie but Mr. Orange did. While laying in a pool of his own blood and watching Mr. Blonde tap dance, he kept saying, “I’m a cop, I’m a cop, I’m a cop.” Then, after he shot Mr. Blonde multiple times in the chest, added, “Told ya.”
The extended flashback that signals the third act of the play appears to have temporarily confused even the actors. Director Claudette Lykins had to rush onstage and say, “Take your places, children. We’re going to reveal how everyone got their nicknames. Also wounded.”
Darin Renault, age 5, was more like Extra Nice Guy Eddie when he graciously burst into tears after stepping on Mr. White’s line. At one point, his tracksuit got snagged on his prop gun. The audience may have hurt his feelings a teeny bit when they laughed when they saw his tighty whities.
After the Mexican standoff was over and every child onstage played dead, a sinking sort of social reality forced me to reconsider my previous enjoyment of this gratuitously violent play that forced children to say bad, sexist, and racist things while holding handguns.
The Lexington Children’s Theatre should never have staged a production of Reservoir Dogs in the first place!
Because it is completely inappropriate . . . how they ripped off the Children’s Theatre of Cincinnati’s production of City on Fire!
Sure, most people haven’t seen that obscure Hong Kong crime film or its even more obscure Midwestern children’s theater stage adaptation, but I have and I will never not bring it up now.
Next month: Charlotte’s Silky Love Nest.
By Lee Blevins 